You ever finish a book and immediately want to press it into a stranger's hands? That's what happened to me with Stephanie Ericsson's The Ways We Lie. Plus, it's one of those essays that sneaks up on you. You think it's about other people — the politicians, the advertisers, the guy who "read" the terms of service — and then you realize you're standing in the mirror holding the receipt Turns out it matters..
The short version is this: Ericsson doesn't just say "people lie.On top of that, she shows you the rooms in the house you didn't know you'd built. That's why m. On top of that, " She breaks down the architecture of dishonesty. And if you've ever googled stephanie ericsson the ways we lie at 2 a.after catching yourself in a small fib, you're not alone.
What Is Stephanie Ericsson's The Ways We Lie
It's an essay. Ericsson published it in 1992, and somehow it reads like it was written last week. Not a novel, not a self-help book, not a courtroom exposé. The piece is a catalog of the different kinds of lies we tell — not just the big, obvious whoppers, but the quiet ones we tell so often we've stopped noticing.
She isn't interested in moralizing. That's the part most people miss. Ericsson isn't wagging a finger. She's mapping terrain.
The core idea
Here's the thing — Ericsson argues that lying isn't a single act. So the lie we tell because the truth is too complicated to explain in a checkout line. It's a spectrum. Still, the lie of omission. Even so, the lie of exaggeration. That's why there's the lie we tell to spare someone's feelings. The lie that's really just a story we've told ourselves so many times it hardened into fact.
Quick note before moving on.
Why it's not just a list
Look, a lesser writer would've given you ten bullet points and called it a day. Ericsson does more. Here's the thing — she pairs each type of lie with a personal anecdote or a cultural observation. You get the mechanism and the human cost in the same breath. That's why the essay sticks That's the whole idea..
Why It Matters / Why People Care
Why does this matter? Because most people skip it. We treat "honesty" like a light switch — on or off — when it's actually a dimmer with about forty settings Nothing fancy..
In practice, Ericsson's essay gives you language for things you already felt but couldn't name. Practically speaking, ever been in a meeting where everyone agrees to a plan nobody believes in? That's a collective lie. In practice, ever left out one inconvenient detail so your version of a story sounds cleaner? That's omission, and it's probably the most common lie there is.
What goes wrong when we don't look at this stuff? And we start trusting our own edits. Which means we believe the polished version. And then real communication — the kind that fixes problems — gets harder. Turns out, the lies we tell to keep things smooth are often the ones that quietly break them.
Worth pausing on this one.
Real talk: this essay matters more now than in 1992. Plus, we've got filters on our faces and algorithms curating our opinions. The gap between what is and what's presented has never been wider. Ericsson's framework is a way back to solid ground Not complicated — just consistent..
How It Works / How to Read It
If you're tackling The Ways We Lie for the first time — or rereading it — here's how I'd approach it. That's why don't rush. It's dense in the best way And it works..
Start with the categories she names
Ericsson lays out specific types. In practice, the facade. Practically speaking, (For me, it was me. Deflecting. Each one gets its own moment. The white lie. As you read, jot down the first person you think of for each category. Ignoring the plain facts. Then my uncle. Then a brand I used to love And that's really what it comes down to..
Sit with the personal stories
She writes about her own life — addiction, recovery, the small deceits that pile up. And that's where the essay earns its weight. It's not abstract. When she talks about the lies that let a person disappear into a bottle, you understand that dishonesty isn't just about words. It's about self-erasure.
Notice the structure
The essay moves from the small and social to the large and systemic. She starts with everyday fibs and ends with the lies that hold up entire institutions. Day to day, that arc is deliberate. Which means by the time you hit the bigger stuff, you've already admitted you lie about little things. So you can't pretend you're above the big ones.
Apply it to one week of your life
Here's a weirdly useful exercise. Not to punish yourself. Think about it: mine were almost all about seeming fine when I wasn't. For seven days, mark every time you say something that isn't fully true. I did this once. Worth adding: just to see the shape of it. Ericsson would call that a facade. Worth adding: the number wasn't the shock — the pattern was. I'd call it exhausting Nothing fancy..
Read it next to something modern
Pair it with a recent article about misinformation or influencer culture. The contrast is wild. Ericsson's types of lying haven't changed. The delivery systems have. That's a worthwhile realization.
Common Mistakes / What Most People Get Wrong
Honestly, this is the part most guides get wrong. They treat Ericsson's essay like a checklist of bad behavior. "Don't lie! Here are the kinds!" That misses the point completely That alone is useful..
One mistake: thinking she's saying all lies are equal. Think about it: she isn't. A white lie to a coworker about their ugly sweater is not the same as a corporate cover-up. But she'd argue they share a root. The willingness to shape reality for a purpose Practical, not theoretical..
Another mistake: using the essay as a weapon. "Aha! Here's the thing — you just committed deflection! " Cool. Now you've used a meditation on honesty to score a point. That's its own kind of lie — the lie of being the honest one Most people skip this — try not to..
And the big one — people read it, nod along, and then don't change anything. Day to day, they keep telling the same omissions. They keep building the same facades. I know it sounds simple — but it's easy to miss that recognition without action is just another comfortable lie we tell ourselves And that's really what it comes down to..
Practical Tips / What Actually Works
If you want Ericsson's essay to actually do something in your life, here's what works. Skip the guilt. Go for awareness It's one of those things that adds up..
Name the lie when you catch it. Out loud, if you can. "That was a white lie." The act of naming shrinks its power. You stop being the person who is dishonest and become the person who noticed it It's one of those things that adds up..
Pick one category to watch. Don't overhaul your whole truth-telling apparatus. Just notice your most common type. Mine was omission. Once I saw it, I could sometimes choose the fuller story. Sometimes. Progress, not perfection Which is the point..
Talk about it with someone you trust. The essay is great solo, but it's better as a conversation. "Hey, I read this thing about the ways we lie — do you think I do the facade thing?" Worth knowing: most people will get defensive for about ninety seconds, then get curious.
Don't confuse bluntness with honesty. Ericsson doesn't advocate for cruelty. "Your haircut is bad" isn't truth. It's just mean with no filter. Real honesty includes kindness and timing. The lie is in pretending kindness and truth are opposites.
Revisit it every couple years. You change. Your lies change. The essay will hit different at 25 than at 45. That's the mark of something worth keeping on the shelf Worth keeping that in mind..
FAQ
What is the main point of Stephanie Ericsson's The Ways We Lie? Ericsson's main point is that lying isn't one thing — it's a set of behaviors ranging from tiny social fibs to massive self-deception. She wants you to see the full range so you can recognize your own patterns.
How many types of lies does Ericsson identify? She doesn't give a fixed numbered list you can memorize, but she names and explores around a dozen distinct categories — including white lies, omission, facades, deflection, and ignoring plain facts. The exact count depends on how you group them Not complicated — just consistent..
Is The Ways We Lie still relevant today? Absolutely. The methods of delivery have evolved — social media, deepfakes, branded content — but the underlying human impulses Ericsson
maps out haven't shifted one degree. If anything, the speed and scale of modern deception make her inventory more useful, not less.
Can reading the essay make someone a perfectly honest person? No, and that's not the goal. Ericsson isn't selling sainthood. The value is in the noticing. The person who catches their own deflection halfway through a sentence is further along than the one who never questions the story they tell But it adds up..
Why do people get uncomfortable when discussing their own lies? Because most of us experience our dishonesty as a exception, not a habit. Naming it feels like an attack on character rather than a description of behavior. That discomfort is usually the exact spot where the useful work begins Nothing fancy..
Closing
Ericsson's essay doesn't hand you a clean verdict on truth. Consider this: that's the whole thing. That said, the point was never to quit lying in some dramatic overnight conversion. The point is to stop sleeping through it. It hands you a mirror with a slightly cracked frame — enough to see yourself, not enough to pretend the reflection is whole. Most days it won't. And on the days you choose the fuller story anyway — even clumsily, even late — that's the practice. To notice the small betrayals of language and attention while they're happening, and decide, in that narrow gap, whether the old pattern serves you. Keep the essay nearby. You'll need it again.
Honestly, this part trips people up more than it should.
